Boredom...

      Anyone else notice that I never posted last Tuesday?? Sorry about that I will have my Money Issues post published on Friday. Thank you again for all of your guys' support! And without further ado, now to this weeks post.


     Boredom...is a very common thing. As a teenager, and now college student, boredom was and is a very common sickness I have developed. Now understand, it is and has been, a rare occasion that I am not busy. I have been working at different jobs nonstop and juggling school since I was a freshman in High School. Then add all the extracurricular activities I was involved in, it wasn't very often that I had free time. Yet, some how, at least a few times a week, I was bored and oh man did I voice it to the world that I was bored, as if some how it was the world's fault and someone needed to rescue me.
      Here is what I have learned. We get bored and restless with ourselves at different moments. We want to go out, party, date, watch a movie, just something right? Or if you are like how I was, you use being bored as an excuse to procrastinate on homework (I know a few of you laughed and nodded). But we tend to blame us being restless on others or things. For example, money, friends are busy, homework, nothing to do. But honestly the only reason you are bored, is because of you.

      If you don't have any money or don't know what to do, play cards, a board game, go on a walk or a hike. Take a bike ride around town. Sing, write, watch a movie at home. Honestly google  or pintrest it and you will find an endless supply of ideas.

      Friends are busy? Who cares, go out on your own. By going out on your own, your are abling yourself to get to have some personal one on one time to get back in tune with who you are individually. Here is a crazy thought...hang out with your family! Make new friends.

      Homework? If there is anything that I have learned, just do it. Finish it before the last second. It is that simple.

      Don't like anything on here, change your perspective or take a nap. That is all I have to say.

People, Enjoy life while you have it. Take every moment in, because before you know it, it will be gone. And personally I would rather know I did something, anything, than looking back and seeing all the time I wasted.

So You Don't Like The Way You Look...

     Tell me if I'm wrong, but this subject is almost talked about, too much. For girls its, my hair won't work, my thighs are too big, my cheeks look like a hippo, my face is covered in acne. The list goes on and on. For the guys, my best guess is all about being toned, muscular, and other areas. (I am a girl I don't really know) All I do know is, that is is not only girls who feel incompetent about the way that they look. We all have insecurities.
      We could go off on a shpeal (yes sh-p-eel) about how you are perfect exactly the way that you are, but I'm not going to, at least not exactly. In all honesty none of us are perfect. We all have things that differ from everyone else. And we live in this world, that compares every one us, based on the social want of what we think is perfect. No matter if its a Size 0 or a Size 16 that we praise, there will always be some group that doesn't make the cut, in the eyes of society. Why? Because we are built to function by putting everything in groups. Things that are right, and things that aren't. So we error in the way that we perceive judgment on people. Because why must there always be a right or wrong to everything.
        The way I see it is, if you don't like the way you look, stop looking in the eyes of the world. Because you can go to the gym. You can watch what you eat. But for how ever long, that you are only looking at yourself in the way that the world sees you, you'll never be good enough. Because no matter how much anyone tries, no one is perfect. No one has every single quality that the world has deemed right. We are all filled with imperfections. But understand, that those imperfections, are what make each and every one of you, unique, and it's whats unique  that is worth seeing.
      If you don't like the way you look, change your perspective. Stand in front of the mirror and look at you. I mean, really look at you. Don't think about what you question is wrong. Look at you for who you are. You are unique. You are the only ideal you.
      Stop looking at yourself through the world's eyes, and start looking at yourself through your own.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Single and Alone...

   

Let’s face it, the position of being single and alone is a very, very popular subject. You might be in a serious relationship and you are trying to give singles advice, or you’re single and you’re sick and tired of other people trying to give you advice. If you are not apart of any side, you then fall into the other category.I, myself, am on the single side of this issue, if we can even call this an issue. So far in my life I haven’t had many long term relationships. Which means, a majority of my life I have not had a significant other. So trust me when I say, I understand being what it's like being single.


To begin, let me just set the ground floor, you know, dismiss some myths. First of all, just because someone is single, does not mean the number one thing they want, is a boyfriend or girlfriend. Yes, there are nights when I wish I had someone to sunggle up with, eat take out, and watch Bones with me. But that, in no way means, I need a relationship. Remember, almost my entire understanding of how to survive in this world, is on my own. The idea of having someone else to worry about, to have weight in all my decision, or to even open up to, is not in my comfort zone. My main focuses are my family and friends, work, and school. There are more important things to me than finding someone this second.


The next myth, is just because I am alone right now, does not mean, in any way, that I am going to be alone forever. Just because someone is single and not actively searching for a partner, has no jurisdiction how their future will play out. For instance, I’m not looking for a relationship, but that doesn’t mean I’m not open to dating if someone comes along.


If you are single, there is nothing wrong with you. It gets lonely sometimes. Every once in awhile you’ll wake up at night, wishing someone was next to you. At any moment you might see a couple holding hands and realize you want that. You might, during the holiday season, secretly hope that next year you’ll be spending it with someone you love, instead of being surrounded by other couples. I can’t promise you that some nights, it won’t suck. But understand that doesn't mean, at all, that there is something that is wrong with you. Or that there isn't other things in your life that can make you happy.


Just because you don’t have someone right now, doesn’t mean you won’t later down the road. Remember that being alone, helps you better understand who you are. When you understand yourself, it helps you understand the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Don’t settle. Someone is out there that you will love unconditionally. For now, enjoy having all of the blankets and the bed to yourself, to spread out like a starfish. Embrace every happiness you feel, because you know that you can be happy on your own. You’ll never fully appreciate what it is to be with someone, unless you can understand what it is like without them. Find yourself, so that you can one day find them. But don’t rush.


And for any of you, who for some reason, feel like it’s your job to help others that aren’t in a relationship like you are. Please understand, you might makes someone feel bad if you are constantly trying to fix them up with other people, or questioning their social life. Love them for who they are, and be there for them in what ever way they want you to be. Because if you are their friend, or family member, you are the most important people in their life right now, who they care for. No one wants to feel like someone they love, thinks that their standing in life right now, is not adequate.


Life is a marvelous and wonderful thing. That, although has some bad ingredients to it, is filled with beautiful moments and characteristics. Love is out there. You’ll find it in time. If you are alone, enjoy the little blessings you have around you and just be happy with what have right now. If you are not alone, appreciate the person you’re with. Don’t take love for granted.

Life is a journey, embrace every step.

If Only My Brain Had A Map...

     I seem to be battling lately, on how I feel. You see, things have been, as I can see, falling into place. I have friends to talk to and hang out with. Work is going great, and there is even a love interest thrown into the mix. This should make life seem great...right? Maybe it's the fact that I am use to being alone. I have, for so long now, learned to live and adapt to situations by myself. Never needing to lean on anyone, and just battling life by my lonesome. Which could be the reason that I feel off.
    Let me explain. There is a guy that I like. And oh my goodness, is he something else. He is really incredible. We are just friends, we've gone on a couple dates nothing too serious, and right now that is all it is going to be.  But it so natural to be with him. And he makes me happy and laugh harder than I have with anyone. I have liked only one person so far in my life that can even be compared to him. And this guy, over passed that one other person that came close, by the first date. I could write pages and pages about how magnificent this guy is. But I wont.
     For some crazy reason, he seems to like me. I don't understand why he does, and it makes no sense in my head. He is one of those amazing and nice guys that every girl falls for, and he deserves the best. But...I am the girl who even though, I love and care about everyone, has mastered to blend in with the shadows. I get my stuff done without leaving any tracks. I am not some unique eye catching woman. But I seem to have part of his attention.
I should be ecstatic right?
I should be head over heels, and one of those girls who are helplessly in love.
But I'm not...or at least not yet.
     Don't get me wrong, he makes my head spin, my stomach fill with butterflies, but the situation is so complex. That when he asks me how I feel, I don't want to say, because I don't want to think about it. There is still a chance that he will find someone better, someone more spectacular that I could ever be. And I know if I think about it, if I get to that level where I open myself up to these feelings I have pact behind this brick wall, I'm going to fall so hard and so deep, that if he does walk away...it's going to really hurt.
    So I ask myself, what should do? Should I tell him and risk this tight rope I'm walking? Or not say anything and hope that he picks me eventually?
    I honestly don't know, and I don't know if any one of you are in this same type of situation. The only advice I can give, is remember that if it doesn't work out, life won't end. That for now, enjoy the moment, smile, and hope that maybe one day you actually get to break down that wall and embrace all those feelings you were scared to feel.
    I want nothing more than for him to be happy. And if that is not with me, I'll get through it. But a girl can wish right?

I hope the best for everyone that is out there!
I will write soon.

We Lie...

        The reason that the whole word is so complicated can be narrowed down to a simple thing. We lie. We lie about everything. How we feel, what we think, and what is really going on.  One of the soul reasons why so many marriages end in divorce is because we lie to each other. While one person is laying in bed at night, focusing on all these negative thoughts and issues, the other is either at a loss, completely confused, on why their spouse is acting so weird, or has no idea there is any issue at all. Why is that? Because one person said "I'm fine" or "Don't worry about it" and held in the very problems that became the core reason why they left.
        The truth is, if we would just be honest with people, a lot of issues would be resolved or able to be worked out. But we don't, because deep down we have been conditioned to believe that we have to fend for ourselves, and the pain and hurt we feel is shown as a weakness to everyone around us. That if we try to speak the words running through our heads, we will be seen as broken, or that we are whining when so many others have it worse off then ourselves. People don't seem to understand that everyone, no matter how small, has difficulties in their life that effect them is ways, that someone who has not lived in their shoes, can never fully understand. And when they don't listen, or don't try to understand, they make accusations and misjudge. So we lie. We pretend that we are fine. So that others will not tell us to "suck it up" or "Get over it" and we just hope that we will make it out alive.

I Want To Be Just Friends...

"I think it is best if we were just friends."

     That one sentence, spoken out of the mouth of someone you truly care about, is one that can ice every vein in your body, make your stomach drop, and crush every ounce of light you had just seconds prior. This, if you are a girl like myself, leads to nights crying yourself to sleep, being emotionally unstable, and then proceeding to hate yourself because you can't seem to put yourself back together and you feel like a baby.
     Every single question seems to cross your mind repeatedly of "What happened", "What did I do", "Is there someone else", or even "Am I not good enough". We hate ourselves, then the other person of interest, then hate the situation, then crumble to pieces. When in reality, all of those questions we consistently think about for days, weeks, even moths, actually are worse then it ends up being. The hardest part of  giving your heart to another person, is that there is a good chance without them meaning to, they will crush it in their hands, and you have no way to stop it.
     Recently I have had this gut wrenching line given to me, by a guy I never meant to fall hard for. The truth is that I knew, before we started started dating, things would never work right at that moment. We were two people, who, if everything were to fall into place, we had to be, at least for myself, at a different place in our lives. But I never took into an account that he, personality wise, was who he was. I never thought, or ever would of guessed, that just hanging out with him, would be so different. I didn't know, he would be... well him. I never meant to fall like I had, I never meant to feel what I felt, and I never meant to care as much as I cared. He was leaving, I was staying, and I am the only one to blame for letting myself create this emotional wreck.
      Although, since I have been told I think differently than most girls, and I just really care about people, tried to actually be his friend. See I am the type of person, who if someone tells me they just want to be friends, after I explode into an female break down, I will suck it up and actually try to be there for them as a friend. I still would listen, I would still care, and I would keep my emotions to myself and be the best friend I could be. The problem that lies here, is if the guy doesn't want anything to do with you, or really does actually like you and they are leaving, them saying lets just be friends means "I need my space". Whether or not its space because they can't stand you, or space to be able to do the things they need to do, while disconnecting themselves from something that will hold them back, means being there as a friend isn't what they actually want or need.
     I have no actual idea, if any of those two scenarios actually pertain to my situation, but it took a close friend, after I over reacted to something, to show me that if I really cared about the guy I need to give him that space. This meant, not texting him, not facebook messaging him, and most yet, no snap chatting him. Do I think there could be a potential next chapter in the future, I don't know and I just don't want to think about it right now honestly.
     The cold truth of it all is, that the line "I just want to be friends" really utterly sucks. It's that simple. I don't have any advice that can ever magically fix the situation or take away your pain. The best I can tell you is that every heart break, every bump you have to go through, gives you experience. That experience, makes it so that the next time this happens you, you are better equipped to handle it. If things are meant to be you'll find a way, but sometimes you just have to do what is right even if it may suck.

Don't Give Up Just Yet...

"Good things come to those who believe. Better things come to those who are patient and the best things come to those who don't give up."
`Unknown

     The thing I like about this quote, is that this can fit with so many different things we all go through everyday. For me, at least for now, is that there are things in this life that we have no idea of the outcome. There are just certain things we can't control, feelings we can't read, and futures we can't see. 
     The relationships that we all wish and dream for are not normally met or given to us freely. It is made up of a foundation of nerves, butterflies, and putting your heart on the line for something or someone that you know and pray is worth it. Worth the possible fail, the pain, the heartache that very well could meet you at the other end of that door. But sometimes when we know, deep down, this is different. That risk, the waiting, and the not giving up when at first it doesn't just fall in your lap, could indeed end up being, the greatest thing that happens to you in your life.
      If you have something, anything at all, any person who has made you forget where you were standing, or not notice any of the other people around you, someone who just fit, who made sense, I beg you don't give up quite yet if there are barriers in you way. Don't let go just because it's hard right now. Be patient, fake a smile if you have to, but don't loose the one person who could be the one  who can change your life in a way that no one else can. Yes...there is a chance they will still walk away, But personally, I could deal with that much better than looking back on my past and knowing I was the one who let go and walked away and lost something I've wanted more than anything before, because what if, what if it worked, what if they came back. I would much rather knowing I did everything I could, than to know that I might never know if I could of been that happy.
     Believe, be patient, and don't give up...at least not yet.