For those of you who have read my blog you might of noticed that about a year ago my friend had past away. With the days coming closer to the day that she past away, I have found that, what seemed a little easy to cope with during the year, is becoming harder, like a fresh cut, and beginning to become difficult to to handle. The feeling of loss, regret, pain, all seem repeat its self day after day, wearing me down.
Those of you who have lost someone in your life can probably relate to what I am saying, but for those who can't, I will break it down and start from the beginning....
I met Kasey in elementary on a club volleyball team and man, did I look up to her. She could spike and hit that volleyball like I never saw someone our age hit. I thought for sure she had the strength of a hero. She was funny and very perky, always walking up with a big "Hi!" Waving her hand crazily and always making me smile. She really was something else.
Later in my school years I moved away and then came back. When returning to a school with kids you grew up with once, it can feel like entering a brand new place. The faces looked the same, but the people were completely different. Kasey and this group of friends adopted me in, and believe it or not we became somewhat close. We went to the mall, I took Kasey's brother trick or treating with her one Halloween night, and she became someone who would listen to my problems and then slap me in the face with the truth I needed to hear.
Now, getting to the point of my story, about a year ago, a couple weeks before her death, she had attended girls camp with her best friend who is my friend as well. I had missed Kasey because we had grown apart and were now reconnecting. I was going to give her a letter, because at camp you can send letters to other girls that are sent out at night like a little goodnight note, and I wanted to tell her about how much she truly did mean to me. To be honest, she got me through a lot, more than she never probably knew she had. I had a gut feeling I should tell her, I needed to tell her, these things I wanted to say. There was so much over the years, that I just never told her. Needless to say, I got caught up in my own life, my own drama, that I never got around to sending that letter... I meant to give it to her later but as you can see...that didn't happen. I still have to this day and all it has on it is, "Dear Kasey, "
There are certain things I still regret. I wish so much I would of sent that letter. If I wouldn't of been so self conscious maybe she would of gotten to see it before it was too late. My point of this is not to wallow in my misery, or the fact of me missing my friend, or tell of my regrets, but to teach or at least tell one major lesson I got out of all of this...
You never know what is going to happen between today and tomorrow. But don't get caught up in yourself, your problems, and your pain. Now don't take this the wrong way, you should still care about yourself, but don't let it get in the way of taking in everything and everyone around you. Live your life in a way that you won't have a regret if you died tomorrow. Tell everyone you care about, that you care about them and what they mean to you, because you never know when your last day...or theirs...will come.
