What I Thought Then, Is Different Now...

"I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice. I'm mad for apologizing for things I didn't do. I am mad for getting attached. I am mad for thinking about you, but most of all I am mad for not hating you when I should."
 ~Unknown

      I don't know what it is, but we all seem to get caught up in a moment and loose sight on every sensible intelligent bone in our body. When looking back we think, "What the heck was I thinking." We tend to get so focused on what is going on right now, right in front of our faces, that we don't stop to think in a broader horizon.
     The reason I say this is simple. I was thinking back on the moments that, at the time, I thought were going to be the greatest moments of my high school life. I was happy. The things that use to make me upset, didn't seem to bug me anymore. Things for the first time, seemed to be working out and falling into place. I was finally able to let my guard down and open myself to the possibility that this time was different. He was different. But he wasn't...
     Now don't get me wrong here, I don't hate him, I don't blame him, or wish any cruel thing upon him. But I do hate myself for not seeing the signs. The truth is...there was so much there that I should of noticed. The repeat of his history, the same old sappy sayings, and the biggest of all, the times I was at the lowest point in my life, he didn't know what to say. And honestly, its not what he couldn't say, but it wasn't right. If it was right, I should of wanted to talk out everything with him, let him in on my deepest emotions. But I didn't... I actually didn't feel comfortable talking about those things. Yet, I still kept falling...
     The point is...Now, looking back I noticed everything that I missed. How the times I cried myself to sleep(You might think is a silly girl thing), times I would wait for him to get online just so I could say hi, and the pain I single handedly set myself up for, it didn't have to happen. But the thing is, I didn't notice... I got so absorbed with what was going on around me,What I thought I felt, I never stopped to take a step back, and just take everything in.
      I could easily say, "Don't let this be you, don't fall into the same mistakes I have made..." but the thing is, its gonna happen, and hopefully, one day, you'll make the right choice. I just want to say, when it does happen, please, don't hate yourself because you cared. Don't hate yourself, for giving people/ the person the benefit of the doubt. The truth is, this world needs people that give hope and that care about something for a change. Life, as many times as it is stated, is never an easy road.
     You will get hurt, you will cry, you will make mistakes...but that is just life...Don't beat yourself over it. Just take it one day at a time... You'll be surprised how far you can go.