To Breath Again...

I have heard a quote..."It is better to leave the glass broken laying on the floor, than to hurt yourself trying to put it back together."

     Life as you all know is not a stroll in the park on a sunny day. Life is more like a bi-polar weather pattern that is always changing, and never constant. We will feel and witness things that change our life and our very reason for getting up in the morning. We will laugh and smile and feel that light inside of us just shinning through, but we will also loose the things and people closest to us, leaving us in a state of hurt and pain. Where we are struggling to try to rip out the pain in our chest and the tears just don't stop flowing down our cheek like a fire, free falling falling fast down our face to the cold ground.
     I have found myself gasping for breath now and again, confused to know where to go from here. I have struggled to fix what I have broken to find later, there was nothing left to fix, nothing I could of done to change what had happened.
     In true honesty, I will learn to breath again. I made it this far haven't I? Let me tell you one thing, don't hold on to the pain, the past, and everything that binds you down and pulls you into the gravity where you can't escape. You can cry out everything inside of you, but then let it go, like setting free a butterfly go after you embraced in its beauty. Everything has a time, and everything can heal.
     Learn to let go, learn to remember what was good, and remember you still matter no matter where life takes you.
You can learn to breathe again...

Don't Sugar Coat The Truth...

Don't you just hate it when people play games on with your mind and your emotions?
     I am a pretty mater of fact person and most would agree that the phrase I just didn't want to hurt your feelings is a total shmuck of line.
     Just because you think you know us well enough doesn't mean that pretending to feel or say certain things is going to spare our feelings. I can only really speak for myself here, though I am pretty sure I am not alone on this one.
     I say, tell it to me straight, don't lie to my face. Whether it is in relationships, friendships, characteristics, talents or whatever, don't lie to spare ones pride or feelings, Because if any of you out there are like me you are going to want to believe them. Then you hold on to things that have already got up and left, when you are still right there waiting and getting your hopes up just to fall in the end.
     I know for a fact I am not the smartest, prettiest, thinnest, or most talented girl in this world let alone my home town. I am not ashamed of who I am, because I am me and I am not going to try to change who I am to please anyone else or anything. But I don't want to hold on to things or people when I shouldn't.
     Don't lie to my face thinking you are trying to protect me...because you are not.
It will hurt worse later on because one, you lied. Two, I was believing on false hopes.

Life is way to short, in the words of my friend Kasey who passed away June 30th 2011, "Don't sugar coat the truth. Life is already hard as it is and you aren't making it any easier by not telling them the truth."

Life is to short to be standing in the past...Because life never stops and waits for you...

My Reality Check...

"The worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you know you can never have them."
~Unknown

     I got slapped in the face with reality today when talking to a friend. He said that if I honestly cared so much for this guy, That then I never really could of moved on yet. All I am doing is pretending the feelings aren't there, and acting like I honestly am happy that he is dating someone else.
     I told him he was wrong, that I was happy and I did move on...
 But today when I was sick, and when I am sick I have these vivid dreams and they feel all to real. And the dreams themselves are not like regular dreams, there is nothing to set them apart from reality. I had a dream about him, I was sick and he was there. So many feelings came flooding back and I realized they never left.
     Does this mean I am now not okay that he is dating someone else?
No, I am fine that he is. I am glad he is happy and I am not just saying that. All this means is, the reason It can never seem to work out with anyone else, is because I am still not over this one person.
     Let me tell it to you straight...There are going to be times where your best friend or guy you truly like is going to be standing right next to you, and all you can do is put a smile face and pretend that your heart is not breaking with every word he speaks from his mouth. That you are not in pain or inches away from your breaking point...
    Because the truth is, If you really care about someone,they come first. That even if it hurts you for them to be happy, you will do it.
    Time keeps ticking, and you never will know what lays in the future. Maybe things will work out for you in the end, But there is no use on trying to change what has already been done. The more you complain about a guy who is taken, the worse it will be. All you can do is keep your head up high and keep walking forward.

What Valentines Day Is Truly All About...

Can we please get something clear here?
      Valentines day has turned into this battle of the "Couples" vs. "Singles"!
Seriously?!?
     Valentines day is a holiday meant for showing you care about someone OR someoneS, it is not just for "The couples". If you don't have a special person in your life then instead of crying a river or turning all anti valentines day, why don't you just try and make someone else's day who needs it for a change. Show them they aren't forgotten, and stop being so self absorbed and get over the fact you are single. Because it is NOT about the expensive gifts or the fancy things, it's about showing someone or someone else they matter.
Don't get so focused on what a guy/girl should get you. Try to make someone else shine for the day.
      Some say that Valentines Day is pathetic because people should act this way everyday. It's true, everyday you should strive to show that you care about the people around you, but Valentines day is a day that you can go the extra mile and make someone else you're priority.
      Every year I pick a person that I know is either feeling down, upset, or just needs a pick me up and I focus on them. I still try to make everyone around me feel loved, but I try to especially make that one person's day. (You can tell this is my favorite holiday can't you?)
      Today I decorated the entry to the classroom with sticky notes and letters saying yes, no, maybe, and sweet little sayings. I led it to his seat where a huge stuffed teddy bear was sitting in his seat with roses, chocolate, and a note saying, "Will you be my Valentine?" I didn't go all and get anything expensive, I just took the time to actually prepare an idea.
      To be honest, it made his day. I am pretty sure I never caught him not smiling. I am not dating this guy, or have a huge crush on him, He is just one of my friends that I decided to show he mattered, That I cared that he was here.
      Now you don't have to do anything on the lines that I did, but can you see what I am getting at here?
Valentines day is the one holiday that is legitly only about trying to show people that you care, that they matter here. Stop talking down about it, or hating on this day because you are alone, or you don't get anything.
      But hear me when I say...YOU MATTER!
      And instead about wallowing in the fact you don't have someone to share it with, or he/she didn't do anything. Change your thinking to how can I make someone else smile.
That is what February 14th (Valentines Day) is all about, at least to me it is...

Young and Stupid...

"To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid."
~Unknown

     I have found that people will look at a younger crowd and measure them up to these intelligent and wise adults. Saying stuff like, why can't you be more like him or her? Why do you not think before you act?
The honest truth here is simple, people that you look up to, that you measure others to, become wise not because they were born that way, but because they first became and grew to be that way.
     People don't one day understand the feelings of loss, betrayal, pain, or despair because they read it in a magazine or watched it in a movie. True understanding came by going through that pain and despair, that loss or hardship, and overcoming it, and letting it shape who might become.
     Wise people have stories and advice because they use to be in the same boat as you. They lost love ones, they tasted the bitterness of defeat and betrayal, they made wrong decisions and had to face the consequences that followed.
     Don't judge a person by their mistakes, appreciate them, when they overcome their mistakes and learn from them.
     Life is not about doing everything right...it's about living with what you've got and learning to move forward with it.
     Like I said before, you're not born wise... it's something you become.

What Are Friends For...

Have you ever heard the saying, "What are friends for?"

     Well an obvious answer came to mind...friends are suppose to stick there by your side through thick and thin. Correct?
      Then why is it that when you have a group of friends(where of course there will be conflicting dilemmas) at the worst times right in the middle of all the chaos, we tend to turn against each other?
      For instance, two of the friends in the group have a fight, what happens? Usually sides are taken, words are spoken, and then everything goes crashing down the never ending cliff.
     Friends are not only suppose to stand by each other when they are hurt, but also when they make mistakes, dumb mistakes, and the worst moves. Because everyone at some point will say the worst things, let their emotions fly a tad but too freely, and loose themselves for awhile.
     Everyone makes mistakes, but that doesn't give you the right to talk bad about them behind their back, or leave them hanging...alone.
     A real friend would care enough to suck it up, let it go, and just be there for each them, cause what are friends for right?

Someday It Will Be Worth It...

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."
~ Unknown

      I remember in the past saying that it was only goodbye for now, that if it was meant to be we would find ourselves together once more. I knew that we would go separate ways, that things would never be the same again.
      I watched you move on so fast, leaving the words you left me with, empty and hollow with a meaningless shell. I sat there as I saw your eyes so happy looking into the eyes of someone else. And I knew that, all I ever was, was just some girl you had a crush on.
      I fell harder than I should of...
      I held on hopelessly...
     It tried moving on, I got so close but you were still there. I hated it, because I sat there pretending that I was fine, that I had moved on. When really...I wasn't.
     They say if you really care about someone, you won't stand in the way of letting them be happy...Even if it means hurting yourself instead. I figured out that means you might hurt longer then expected.
     I do know that, even though it hurts in the end, which is far away, it will be worth it.
Worth the heart break, the nights crying myself to sleep, the pain of watching people I like being with someone else rubbed in my face...someday it will be worth it...even if it doesn't seem like it right now.