Have you ever made a decision or choice that later on you come to find out it was a mistake, that it didn't have to happen that way?
Well I have...
The fact I have to remember is... that I made a choice that I can't go back and change. So really, I just have to live with it.
So here is what happened.
I really cared about this guy. (haha you know teen love kinda thing). He was amazing. He was one of those guys that are hard to find. He was caring, sweet, listened to me, made me laugh, and in short made me a lot happier then I have been in awhile. I had no Idea how I could deserve such a guy.
Here was the problem... we now go to different schools. When we couldn't talk, or he couldn't hang, he would beat himself up, because he felt like such a bad person when he wasn't.
I felt like because I was there, he was in pain. When we saw each other we were happy, but when we weren't... he was hurting. Then I thought to myself... We won't see each other much during school and if he is hurting now, then when school starts it will hurt him a lot more...
I cared to much for him to hurt that much.
Well here comes to the point where I realized I made a HUGE mistake!
I was thinking about the year, and was talking about my plans.
I was going to the freshman football games on fridays.
Going to all the band performances because I promised a friend I would.
All the freshman basketball home games.
All the snds.
I kept naming off all these things where I would see him, not on purpose, but I would see him. The truth is...I will see him more during this school year then I ever did this summer summer.
And it hit me...I made a huge mistake.
I lost a guy that I really cared about, who was amazing, and everything I could of asked for...and I lost him or a dumb move...good intentions, but dumb move...
I feel like an idiot, not going to lie.
And I can't ask for him back...
and he will never ask me out again because he thinks I wouldn't say yes or moved on...
Truth is, if he asked for me back I would say yes...
but the other truth is...he won't....
I have to live with the choices I made...the smart and the dumb...
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