That one sentence, spoken out of the mouth of someone you truly care about, is one that can ice every vein in your body, make your stomach drop, and crush every ounce of light you had just seconds prior. This, if you are a girl like myself, leads to nights crying yourself to sleep, being emotionally unstable, and then proceeding to hate yourself because you can't seem to put yourself back together and you feel like a baby.
Every single question seems to cross your mind repeatedly of "What happened", "What did I do", "Is there someone else", or even "Am I not good enough". We hate ourselves, then the other person of interest, then hate the situation, then crumble to pieces. When in reality, all of those questions we consistently think about for days, weeks, even moths, actually are worse then it ends up being. The hardest part of giving your heart to another person, is that there is a good chance without them meaning to, they will crush it in their hands, and you have no way to stop it.
Recently I have had this gut wrenching line given to me, by a guy I never meant to fall hard for. The truth is that I knew, before we started started dating, things would never work right at that moment. We were two people, who, if everything were to fall into place, we had to be, at least for myself, at a different place in our lives. But I never took into an account that he, personality wise, was who he was. I never thought, or ever would of guessed, that just hanging out with him, would be so different. I didn't know, he would be... well him. I never meant to fall like I had, I never meant to feel what I felt, and I never meant to care as much as I cared. He was leaving, I was staying, and I am the only one to blame for letting myself create this emotional wreck.
Although, since I have been told I think differently than most girls, and I just really care about people, tried to actually be his friend. See I am the type of person, who if someone tells me they just want to be friends, after I explode into an female break down, I will suck it up and actually try to be there for them as a friend. I still would listen, I would still care, and I would keep my emotions to myself and be the best friend I could be. The problem that lies here, is if the guy doesn't want anything to do with you, or really does actually like you and they are leaving, them saying lets just be friends means "I need my space". Whether or not its space because they can't stand you, or space to be able to do the things they need to do, while disconnecting themselves from something that will hold them back, means being there as a friend isn't what they actually want or need.
I have no actual idea, if any of those two scenarios actually pertain to my situation, but it took a close friend, after I over reacted to something, to show me that if I really cared about the guy I need to give him that space. This meant, not texting him, not facebook messaging him, and most yet, no snap chatting him. Do I think there could be a potential next chapter in the future, I don't know and I just don't want to think about it right now honestly.
The cold truth of it all is, that the line "I just want to be friends" really utterly sucks. It's that simple. I don't have any advice that can ever magically fix the situation or take away your pain. The best I can tell you is that every heart break, every bump you have to go through, gives you experience. That experience, makes it so that the next time this happens you, you are better equipped to handle it. If things are meant to be you'll find a way, but sometimes you just have to do what is right even if it may suck.
