I seem to be battling lately, on how I feel. You see, things have been, as I can see, falling into place. I have friends to talk to and hang out with. Work is going great, and there is even a love interest thrown into the mix. This should make life seem great...right? Maybe it's the fact that I am use to being alone. I have, for so long now, learned to live and adapt to situations by myself. Never needing to lean on anyone, and just battling life by my lonesome. Which could be the reason that I feel off.Let me explain. There is a guy that I like. And oh my goodness, is he something else. He is really incredible. We are just friends, we've gone on a couple dates nothing too serious, and right now that is all it is going to be. But it so natural to be with him. And he makes me happy and laugh harder than I have with anyone. I have liked only one person so far in my life that can even be compared to him. And this guy, over passed that one other person that came close, by the first date. I could write pages and pages about how magnificent this guy is. But I wont.
For some crazy reason, he seems to like me. I don't understand why he does, and it makes no sense in my head. He is one of those amazing and nice guys that every girl falls for, and he deserves the best. But...I am the girl who even though, I love and care about everyone, has mastered to blend in with the shadows. I get my stuff done without leaving any tracks. I am not some unique eye catching woman. But I seem to have part of his attention.
I should be ecstatic right?
I should be head over heels, and one of those girls who are helplessly in love.
But I'm not...or at least not yet.
Don't get me wrong, he makes my head spin, my stomach fill with butterflies, but the situation is so complex. That when he asks me how I feel, I don't want to say, because I don't want to think about it. There is still a chance that he will find someone better, someone more spectacular that I could ever be. And I know if I think about it, if I get to that level where I open myself up to these feelings I have pact behind this brick wall, I'm going to fall so hard and so deep, that if he does walk away...it's going to really hurt.
So I ask myself, what should do? Should I tell him and risk this tight rope I'm walking? Or not say anything and hope that he picks me eventually?
I honestly don't know, and I don't know if any one of you are in this same type of situation. The only advice I can give, is remember that if it doesn't work out, life won't end. That for now, enjoy the moment, smile, and hope that maybe one day you actually get to break down that wall and embrace all those feelings you were scared to feel.
I want nothing more than for him to be happy. And if that is not with me, I'll get through it. But a girl can wish right?
I hope the best for everyone that is out there!
I will write soon.
